I want to know more about Six Stones…

We have space for 25 men. Spots are given on a first come, first served basis.
The total cost for the Six Stones Journey is $4,800. This amount will cover your lodging, meals, and program costs. Scholarships are available.
A $500 deposit is required to secure your spot.

To get more information, please contact SixStones@jasonyoungpsyd.com

A deeper look into “Six Stones”

Part 1: SHOW UP

Sitting

The process of wholeness in relationship to the individual self, others, and God begins with sitting. Sitting forces a man to be still and quiet before all that stirs within him. This first theme is essential and can be quite difficult as our culture seems to have little space for stillness and rest.

Now, consider the following suggestions for being still in your everyday life. These are not exhaustive but will get you started. There are many historical examples of how to pursue and experience stillness. After you consider these I would ask you to begin looking for more ways you can invite stillness into your life.

Find a time and place where you are regularly still. Start small. 10 minutes in a chair without music, TV, cell phone, iPad, computer, or other people. If you have young kids or live in a small apartment as we did early in our marriage, the only place this may happen is in the bathroom with the door locked.
Invite God to be with you. This doesn’t need to be any extravagant prayer or ritual. Simply say, “God, I am going to sit here. Please sit with me awhile.”
Breathe. Yeah, just breathe. There are a ton of breathing exercises to add here. People who handle stress well are people who breathe slowly and deeply in the face of anxiety. Under stress, a person breathes shallowly. Breathe from your toes to the crown of your head.
Listen to whatever comes to your mind. It is what it is. Let the feelings be free to be whatever they are.
Resist any and all solutions. Resist language at first. Just feel.
Know that in all of this, you are safe, God loves you, God is coming after you. God is relentless.

Book to Consider – Peter Scizzaro – Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

Experiencing

Here a man is asked to face his emotional life fully. In the stillness of sitting, he begins to experience the full range of emotions. Having let the emotion happen and have its way with him, he now begins to be curious about the nuance of each feeling without an expectation of arrival or clarity. Words about what is happening within him and between him, God, and others begin to emerge and he collects them and grows in curiosity about each. This stone is essentially an extension of showing up.

How do you live the stone of experiencing?

Journaling – begin small. What you write does not need to be at the level of Shakespeare! You are actively engaging your emotional experience in written form. I like to think of a good starting point as answering two questions – what was the best part of your day? What was the worst part of your day? It can also be like a Lewis and Clark journal entry – “Rain. Threat of Indians. Hungry.” Be gentle with yourself as you begin.
Begin reading the scripture while answering what you see, smell, feel/touch, taste, and hear. Ask what each character must be thinking and feeling. No question is ridiculous or out of bounds.
As Elizabeth Gilbert likes to say – “Be obedient to curiosity.” Relationships die for lack of curiosity. Never settle for the belief that you know a person. You can live with someone for the rest of your life and never fully know them.
Pursue difference. Seek it out. Ask questions of others even if you feel stupid or that you should somehow know the answer already.

Book to Consider – John O’Donohue – To Bless the Space Between Us

Part 2: PAY ATTENTION

Holding

With this third stone of holding, a man becomes more proximal to that which he has been sitting with and experiencing. Here a man begins the process of building capacity emotionally, relationally, spiritually, and physically. This capacity building is primarily about language formation. Holding is beginning to name what a man has sat with and experienced.

Consider the following action points for building capacity by means of holding:

Embrace the limits of your longing. When you feel you can’t go any further, hang on.
Let everything happen to you.
Be obedient to curiosity.
Talk with others who are not hurried by the stresses of life, but who are also not condescending toward or dismissive of your pain.
Don’t compare pain. Your pain is your pain. Sure it can always be worse, but this is where you are.

Book to Consider – Sebastian Junger – Tribe

W. David O. Taylor – Open and Unafraid

Tolerating

Building capacity demands that the container have the tolerance to hold a variety of feelings. A primary mechanism for this is empathy. Tolerating means becoming vulnerable to the feelings and experiences of others, oneself, and God. Empathy here is viewed as a spiritual discipline that must be practiced. As a man builds his empathetic capacity he also learns to regulate his emotional states.

Consider the following as suggestions for building tolerance in your life.

Ask the empathy question. What is it like to be that person?
Be obedient to curiosity.
Practice radical acceptance.
Practice hospitality.
Be vulnerable to all that you feel.
Practice not interrupting others.
Speak only if you can improve upon the silence.
Love the person in front of you.
Take a position of not knowing. Assume nothing.
Schedule rest.
Figure out what work is for you and don’t do it for one day a week.
Kill your taskmasters (perfectionism, comparison, shame, self-contempt)
Ask questions when you don’t understand something, even if you might look foolish or uneducated. (What do I have to prove, fear, and hide?)

Book to Consider – Richard Rohr – Falling Upward

Part 3: TELL THE TRUTH

Walking

This stone is about movement. It seeks to answer the question – What do I do with that which I have sat with, experienced, held, and tolerated? Here a man begins to put into action what he has named in his life. He does this by beginning to develop a rhythm of life that creates structure and directionality in his whole life. Walking begins the process of integrating the whole self. Here also a man learns to live at a proper pace, pursuing goals without hurry.

Book to Consider – Eugene Peterson – A Long Obedience in the Same Direction

Boyd Varty – The Lion Trackers Guide to Life

Voice

Here a man speaks. The sixth stone of voice is more than speech. Speech is simply the behavioral outworking of an inner reality. Jesus said, “Out of the heart does the mouth speak.” Voice is identity. Voice is being present to oneself, to others, and to God. Voice is the culmination of the first five stones. Voice is agency. Voice knows the piece of ground on which it stands is a gift, and that every breath is a gift. Voice is clothed in humility. Voice actually doesn’t speak much. Voice doesn’t need to scream out for attention. Under stress, voice seems to slow down and speaks only if necessary. Voice has done the hard work of eliminating unnecessary speech.

Book to consider – James Bryan Smith – The Good and Beautiful You

Action points

Who are you? Are you what you do? What you have? Who people say you are? When are you?
Write a letter to yourself describing who you are? Read it out loud to yourself. Read it out loud to a close friend.
Write your obituary. How do you want to be remembered? How will you be remembered?
What are the themes, seasons, or characteristics of your life that describe who you are?

Finally, all of these Stones are held together by Blessing. A man must become one who blesses and is blessed by others. Blessing is an intimate direct address. It says, “I see you.” Blessing can only happen in a relationship.